I’m sure you’re asking yourself why ‘who’ is the most important question. Who is what helped me get to the place I am. Who is what I center my decisions, thoughts and ideas around. Who is everything. You can probably guess where I’m going with this, but I’ll say it – God. God is the reason I don’t cry everyday. God is the reason I am joyful and count my blessings. God is the reason I can honestly say that no matter what life throws at me, I can make it through. Not by my strength, but by His.
I remember the first thoughts I had after the shock and sadness, was anger. ‘Why’ tore into me and all I could do was scream inside about how unfair this was. Unfair to me, unfair to my family and unfair to my son. I was a good person. I went to church my whole life. I didn’t do anything bad. I paid tithe. I prayed. I did everything in the right order – I got married, had a career, had a house, then a baby. How did this happen? How do people who do drugs have perfectly normal, healthy babies and mine wasn’t? How was that fair?
Well, it isn’t. That’s the truth. But life isn’t fair. No one said it would be. The bad guys don’t always get caught. Bad things happen to good people. I remember people saying I’m not praying hard enough for my son to be healed. It’s because my faith isn’t strong enough, that’s why my son isn’t talking yet. Let me tell you that’s crap. Because I’ve known plenty of people who had faith, who prayed with every ounce of their being – and the bad things still happened. Their child still had cancer, their child still died. Because, life isn’t fair.
I found a quote on another mother’s Facebook page. This mom had lost her child and was posting about the loss, and in her post she included a picture of this quote. I took a screen shot and have had it in my phone ever since. I look at it from time to time, even though I have it memorized. God never promised me (or you) an easy life. God never said, “Follow me, and you will have no problems, no difficulties.” What God did promise is we would never have to face it alone. That no matter what bad things come, God is here. He didn’t cause my son’s autism, but he can meet me in this place and work there. Life isn’t fair – but God is.